The note I had written for him and placed in his lunch box. It read, “I love you, Micah. Love, Mommy.”
Normally, that wouldn’t bother me. No big deal. He knows I love him. When I asked him if he got my note and he said, “no,” I wasn’t initially bothered or concerned. It was the next phrase that got me:
“I noticed lots of other kids reading notes from their moms.”
That showed me it mattered. The notes I write really do make a difference. At least, that’s what I’ve deducted from that statement.
And it was his first day of school. His first time ever eating lunch at school. That’s big.
I pictured him sitting alone (although surrounded by others), quiet (because he is quiet in new situations), eating his lunch (maybe missing Mommy?), and seeing other kids reading cute little notes from their moms. And him wondering why he didn’t have one.
Who knows what he was thinking, but my heart ached just a little thinking about it. And knowing…it was right there! He, too, had a note tucked away in his lunchbox (apparently a little too nicely tucked away), and he didn’t know it. I even wrote it in his favorite colors ~ blue and red. And added some baseball stickers.
I wasn’t hurt or mad that he didn’t see my note. I was just saddened that he didn’t get to enjoy or be comforted by an expression of my love and a gesture that would remind him that I was thinking about him. And the irony that as he was watching others read their notes, he had his very own, right there in his lunch box. That’s what caused me to ache. He missed my love note.
Then I thought of God. I wonder if His heart aches when we, his children, miss his “love notes.” In a new, fresh, real way, I felt that I had a glimpse into the heart of God.
He wants us to know He loves us. And so many times, we miss it. So many times I’m looking around and seeing others reading His love notes and experiencing his love…and I’m missing the love he has for me. And His heart aches.
Micah knows I love him. The very lunch he was eating was an expression of that. I took the time to make his lunch. I made him a special breakfast in the morning. I gave him a big hug and kiss as he walked out the door. But he missed the extra special thing I did for him. Something that was a little bit above and beyond. Something made especially for him, with his interests in mind. Something he wasn’t necessarily expecting, and obviously not even looking for. Something that would speak to him in that very moment and remind him that he’s special to me.
I know God loves me. Every breath I breathe is a reminder of that. His Word is overflowing with expressions of his love. My husband, my children, and all the “good things” he has given me remind me of his love. I wonder if I sometimes miss some extra special expressions of his love, because I’m not looking for them.
Micah’s love note was hidden inside his lunchbox. His lunchbox was filled with food. Food that he needed. If I had just given him a love note, and not his food, that actually wouldn’t be very loving. He needs his food; the food that I made for him. That in and of itself is a life-giving expression of love. The love note was something extra, just for him, that I knew would show him in a special way that I love him. It was hidden inside, amidst the food.
God’s Word is kind of like Micah’s lunchbox. It’s filled with “food;” food that I (we) need. Food that God has given me. Life-giving words. I wonder if sometimes I miss “little notes” written to me, hidden within His Word. Those little extra things that speak to me, exactly what I need exactly when I need it. His Word is living. I think those messages are there (not just in His Word, but all around me) that show me that He loves me and that He knows me intimately and that He is thinking about me. I think they’re often there in those moments that I need them most.
And I think His heart aches when I don’t see them.